How many times have I heard this saying, “Guard your heart!”. And I still hear it. It comes from the scripture in Proverbs (4:23) which says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” It is related to another verse, Jeremiah 17:9, which goes, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Those are excellent verses full of truth, yet they are often misused and weaponized to control people in the church.
The expression, “Guard your heart” is often used when someone expresses misgivings, concerns, or even hurt. People may feign to listen but then, immediately after that come those words of caution. It all sounds well-intended but actually it is often a way to silence the person or turn the criticism around. It is a form of gaslighting really.
These words are almost always used with women. Rarely have I heard a man say this to another man. “Guard your heart” was a constant saying in women’s discipleship groups. Any time someone expressed misgivings or a hurt, you could bet those words would be uttered by someone in the group.
The person who brought up the concern may then feel guilty. What if my heart is wicked? What if I am in the wrong? What if I am in sin? And the helpful input or constructive criticism is then often ignored. Those condescending words, “Guard your heart” have all but shut down the conversation. Women are made to feel guilty and small. These words keep them subservient and submissive.
Those verses are indeed very good, but why do we seem to apply them only when someone raises an issue? Why do we not use those verses to warn people against materialism, greed, lack of love and empathy, anger, prejudice, etc? We can be very selective. Jeremiah 17 is all about idolatry and greed, not about someone raising an issue of concern. Context matters. In the same way, Proverbs 4 talks about righteousness. At best using those scriptures to shut someone down is manipulative.
Let us not weaponize scriptures and take them out of context to prove a point or silence someone. The scriptures are beautiful when used as they were intended, not to fulfill an agenda.
So true Nadine. For a long time I think I used Jeremiah 17:9 to gaslight myself! I was completely unable to think about any of my doubts about church practices as anything other than bad hearted.
Thank you, Nadine, for your writing, it’s given me and many others so much to think about. In this case, I will have to reflect and ask others in my radius if they recall this particular use of that scripture, because I don’t right now. However I strongly agree that it wasn’t and it should be used in the context you listed—especially concerning materialism, which is so rampant in the west. I recall wrestling with it myself as an empty nester. We had so much, I wondered, shouldn’t we be sharing it?
God then blessed us with the opportunity to take in our young, traumatized, grandson for whom we now pour out all our resources. God has given us grace to meet his needs, and it’s been a privilege to teach him about Jesus for the very first time and watch his faith grow. I have hope that he might someday help his grandfather come back to faith in Jesus.
My region of the Boston church is healthier than ever, and at least for now is providing family and sound doctrine that has been very good for my faith and that of my little grandson. I can’t speak for the whole church, or for the ICOC in general because I don’t have the experience you do, but I hope to be a positive influence as a member of the shepherding team.