How to Not Get Away with Murder
Why Accountability is a Must
“Confidentiality is the enemy of accountability.”
Jesus modeled an example of righteousness. Christians should imitate, since we claim to follow Jesus, right? And when someone falls, there is grace. But there needs to be humility and an admission of wrong if we claim to be a disciple of Christ. In many churches, we can be so hard on regular Christians but have a double standard when it comes to leaders or “the old boys’ club”. I have seen it, and I continue to see it; it is disheartening.
No one should be shamed beyond redemption. I believe everyone should be given another chance. But that doesn’t mean we sweep things under the rug. And as the saying goes, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander. If we discipline a young person for straying and humiliate him/her in front of the whole church, why are we lenient on leaders who do much worse? And I am not advocating for public humiliation by the way.
I am not looking for punishment. I am looking for accountability — and admission of wrong, an apology, and consequences, be it reparations, restitution, proof of repentance, etc. And some sins should keep someone from leadership for good. There is such a thing as a disqualifying offence, in my opinion.
We hide behind walls of “confidentiality” when that same confidentiality is constantly violated through gossip. We pick and choose who benefits from such confidentiality. Confidentiality is the enemy of accountability.
Just in the last month, I have found out that someone who abused children in my old fellowship (not sexually) was appointed an elder. Someone else who left a trail of destruction and is a notoriously abusive leader is the keynote speaker at a conference, and someone else in a position of trust who sexually abused children was never prosecuted. All of those offences took place after 2003 (IFYKYK). And of course, all of those abusers are older men.
Of course, this is not unique to my old fellowship. Just this week, we saw a famous evangelical leader finally indicted for sexually abusing a minor several decades ago. And if you can spare the time, please watch this interview by Sean McDowell (yes, the son of Josh McDowell) and Mike Winger, an apologist and whistleblower. It all feels incredibly familiar, and I can relate to pretty much everything Mike Winger shares.
People sometimes ask me why I write this blog and why I do not approach leaders to confront them directly, assuming that I have not done so. Rest assured, I spent years bringing things up, calling elders, church leaders, confronting abusers, etc. Mat 18 does not work when the problem is systemic and has deep roots. This goes beyond the individual. The institution is corrupt and allows for the abuse, the lies, and the cover-up. And I am not using these words lightly.
When our reputation becomes more important than justice for victims, when the fear of being sued keeps us from doing right, when we turn a blind eye, or at most give a slap on the wrist, we are betraying Jesus. And we wonder why the youth (and more and more parents as a result) are leaving…
This is despicable behavior, and God will not be mocked. “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” Galatians 6:7
Too many people say, well our congregation isn’t like that, I haven’t witnessed this, I haven’t been affected…and that is exactly how these offenders aren’t held accountable. It won’t change until more rank and file members get a conscience and stop tolerating it. I appreciate you continuing to call this behavior out.
The reality is this had so much more to do with "protecting the church". Which deep down shows the tremendous lack of faith that these people really possess. They are so deeply dependent on their own efforts and NOT led by the Spirit nor trusting God to do the real heavy lifting on anything. If it was really Christ's church, they would entrust it to Him and be completely transparent and vulnerable with everything, with every weakness completely visible; leading through weaknesses. Yet they are scared of the world, and completely dependent on their own strength to defend the church (lower case 'c' is on purpose). Once I saw this, I couldn't unsee it.
Again, and again, and again, I saw the immaturity of real faith. There was no reliance on Him, but rather it was replaced with so much human 'wisdom' to manage things. Always in line with how our current world does it corporately and politically. We were not (are not) set apart realistically. And many don't want to see this. When those of us speak out about this, WE are the ones that are the troublemakers and rebellious. They have a form of godliness but denying its real power.
Sorry Nadine for ranting a bit. You hit on a sore spot.