The Burden of Evangelism
Of all the things that cause stress in evangelical Christianity, the burden of “sharing our faith” is right at the top. Most people are not naturally equipped to enforce their beliefs on another person, hand out invitation cards on the street, knock on strangers’ doors, and persuade others that they have the truth.
It can be very intimidating and even scary. Only a few extroverts or super-friendly people enjoy the pursuit. Most are reluctant. I grew up very shy, so for me, sharing my faith and inviting strangers was daunting. I am, however, very determined and hardworking, and I made myself do it. I also became very good at it, mostly through sheer grit and perseverance.
As a result, I rose very quickly in the ranks of leadership, not because I was the most popular person in the church, but because I baptized a lot of people. Less than three years after my baptism (out of atheism), at the age of 24, and while still single, I was appointed a “women’s ministry leader”, the female counterpart to an evangelist. The main reason was that I was good at baptizing and training others to do the same. That was really the only thing that mattered.
The pressure to evangelize and baptize was relentless. I had the emotional resilience to handle it, but my nervous system was on high alert 24/7, and I lived on adrenaline. I lived like that for 20 years, day in and day out. I challenged myself with higher goals all the time. I expected myself to be an example and “set the pace”, so I would not be a hypocrite. I would bring the most “visitors” to church events, in an effort to inspire others. What I was really doing was passing on my frenetic lifestyle to others. Sadly, many did not have the same resilience or willingness to keep that crazy pace.
The toll that kind of lifestyle takes on our physical and mental health is dire. Sadly, it can also put people off from sharing their faith altogether. There are so many better ways to shine our light and be a godly witness. We can serve our communities, spend time with people without an agenda, advocate for the weak, the orphans, the widows, and the oppressed. We can BE like Jesus, talk about him, and gently introduce him to people without bullying ourselves and others in the process.
Sharing our faith with kindness, respect, and patience leads to deeper and more genuine faith in the people we reach. There is no coercion, only free and informed choice. The numbers may not be as impressive, but the faith will reach deeper.
If our Christianity is stress-inducing and exhausting, there is something wrong. I am deeply sorry for the way I dragged others along with me in that crazy rat race for the first two decades of my Christian life. I changed that 22 years ago. I still believe in sharing about Jesus. In fact, I still do, and I still bring my friends to church, but there is no stress and no guilt anymore. And I don’t have to report to anyone either. It is now completely self-motivated because I believe in what I do.
Sharing about Jesus can be so beautiful and so healing. So let’s just take a deep breath and reflect on the kindness of God as we witness to others.
“Dear deep and literal thinking neurodivergent young people: You must continually force your nervous system outside of its window of tolerance, without trauma-informed clinical support, or live with a dreadful, overwhelming and perpetual sense of personal responsibility for the eternal destiny of everyone you fail to reach. We’ll help you cope with this unreasonable demand by heaping loads of guilt and shame on you.
Oh, and only bring ‘sharp’ people.
Also, if the resulting cognitive dissonance of this eventually catches up to you and sends you over the edge, you’ll be on your own. Good luck.”
“Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words,” following Jesus was always meant to be a whole-life journey.
In the culture of the icoc I was apart of, “sharpness” made you a leader, not fruitfulness. There was respect from leaders for a hippie college girl who loved people so much that she couldn’t stop talking about Jesus. I was the most fruitful person in campus, but I was punished for it. For example, after I got 4 visitors to church with me one Sunday, my leader told me I was no longer allowed to sit next to my boyfriend so I would focus on the visitors only. Geez my bf was in singles and campus was so separated I barely saw him anyways. our women’s leader forbade me from sitting with my boyfriend on Sundays - the only church meeting campus had with the singles and adults- I barely saw him as it was.
I also wasn’t allowed to study the Bible with visitors I brought to church; I could come to the studies, IF the study leader remembered to call me and tell me when and where, but I needed to let the study leader be in charge. They literally forgot to tell me one of my friends I’d brought was getting baptized once.
In the young married ministry, my husband and I excelled at bringing people to church. One day the church leaders called to invite us to join a super secret BT of the sharp young marrieds, put together to help grow the church. Apparently they’d not had any visitors to the BT and wondered if we would join them. Unfortunately I felt honored to finally be included among the sharps when now I wished I’d given them a figurative middle finger.
After leaving - a big question, a big hole, is how to share my faith? I don’t have anywhere to invite anyone to. It’s been weird when I get into a great conversation with someone and start to talk about Jesus and get to that point when I’d invite them to church, and… nothing. But what I’ve learned is how much I was trained to control the narrative, to control a potential conversion process. I’ve had to let go of that, and remember that one plants, another waters, but God makes it grow. What beautiful freedom there is in simply, freely, lovingly scattering water droplets! And yet there’s the sadness and regret of the converts I won in the past, submitting them to the sons and daughters of hell I was myself imprisoned by. I am just so very grateful that God is not the God represented by that church.