“All churches have problems. But not all churches actively harm their members.”
Nowadays, I post pretty much daily, but sometimes I come across an article or a podcast that is just so spot on that I would rather skip a day and repost. I read this today and thought, wow, this is so accurate. So please read this article!
Here is the text of it, as I have added my comments in italics. Everything else is Mary Demuth’s article:
“16 Red Flags… for churches that have gone astray
When there’s no clear pathway to bring up concerns. If you do, you’re labeled immature or divisive. Been there, done that! I have been labeled “controversial”, “intimidating”, “divisive”, “self-righteous”, ‘rebellious”, “difficult”, etc, all for bringing up genuine concerns. I was almost excommunicated for bringing up child abuse.
When you can’t easily find out who the leaders are (especially elders or executive teams)
When churches force employees to sign NDAs in order to retain severance. Ha! YES!!! I refused to sign an NDA and got no severance, but most people do, and I do not judge them. I do judge the leaders who asked them to sign, though. What does a church have to hide??? I talk to many former staff who wish they could say the things I say, but they feel bound by the NDAs they signed.
When churches surveil their staff and monitor their social media. Yep! Again, been there, done that. I was told I could not post things that would “offend” other church leaders, such as articles denouncing racism or recommending books deemed controversial (they were not, believe me! They were just suggesting different ways of doing church).
When pastors lash out at perceived critics from the pulpit. Yes, although I must say I did that too, so guilty.
When there are few wiser, older people in leadership.
When your pastor tells you how to vote (& if you vote differently, your salvation is questioned). Not explicitly, but definitely implicitly.
When messaging is tone deaf to the hurting, struggling, and broken people in the pews, but favors the strong. Yes!!! That happened often. I challenged a preacher a couple of years ago who went on and on about how kids raised without a dad would turn out to be criminals and renegades. I bet the single parents in the audience felt really great! Of course, the preacher in question was defensive.
When a church does not disclose its spending practices or budget. Yes, yes, yes! What do we have to hide???
When people who leave (or are fired) are demonized and shunned. Yes, and I have done that too.
When pastors are corrected publicly for theology or practice, they double down on their rightness. This is going on right now. Unfortunately, people see right through it, so not smart!
When their language reflects “We are the only growing church. Everyone else is not as awesome as us.” Yes, and even among the same denomination, the competitive spirit is obvious. So Christlike!
When an elder board or board of directors is disassembled or completely changed. Yes, I have seen that happen a lot. Even worse is when the board is replaced by insiders.
When a church values its own PR machine more than the voices of the ones it has silenced or undermined. Mhm…
When leadership treats wealthy, giving members to special perks (trips, access to the pastor, recognition). Yes, if you have money, you are untouchable!
When pastors treat the pulpit like a stand up routine or a place to fill their insecure ego rather than teach the gospel. Lol. No comment.
Sometimes it’s easier to highlight red flags when we’re trying to discern if our church is safe. If you’ve been hurt through your local church, or you feel that something’s wrong, but you can’t articulate exactly what, perhaps this list of 16 toxic traits will help you.
It boils down to transparency, honesty, and kindness. Is your church transparent in their finances? Are they honest in the way they communicate? Are they kind to the people who can give them the least?
Or are they protective of the institution, preferring their reputation far more than the people who have been hurt? Or have they covered up abuse? Have they publicly taken down those who have raised concerns?
A local church, though not perfect, should be a haven for the broken, a place where the gospel means more than ego, and a group of Christ followers who look out for one another. There should be a conviviality of members—a flattened hierarchy where each person exercises their gifts. Laity feel welcomed. Celebrities are nonexistent. Worship is meaningful—less spectacle, more honesty.
All churches have problems. But not all churches actively harm their members. Some do, sadly. This is a problem because those abusive churches don’t represent the heart of Jesus. He didn’t build an empire to himself. He didn’t topple Rome or seek its power. He reminded us that even he didn’t come to be served, but to serve.
I fear we have created some churches to be a monument to our glory, not the Lord’s. And when we worship the created rather than the Creator, all sorts of abuses and underhanded practices flourish.
I have to introspect when I read these red flags. I have to ask the Lord to please sift my heart. I don’t want to get to a place that I’m no longer confront-able. I don’t want to spend my time pursuing only the rich folks or the popular kids at the table. I want to take the lowest seat, find the people in the margins (as Jesus did with the woman at the well). I want to be teachable and flexible. I want to listen more than I preach.
I sense God doing a grand work these days. He is spotlighting these false structures of ego that masquerade as a church. He is bringing his holy light to underhanded practices, unchecked power, and bully leaders. We are seeing them clearly.
Many will say to Jesus, “Did we not build edifices to you? Did we not preach to crowds?” And he may say, “Depart from me, I never knew you.”
Again I say, Lord have mercy.
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wow! definitely relate to all of this! I remember leadership talking about bringing in all the “sharp”, successful people”! and we were one of them! at the time my former husband made quite a lot of money, and subsequently, we GAVE quite a lot of money! (probably more than some people made in a year!) we were hoisted into leadership six months after being baptized!
I’ve witnessed ALL of what you talk about! I look back with a great deal of shame and regret, although I always had a soft spot for the less fortunate. At one point my ministry consisted of a dozen single moms! I would hope those we served remember us as loving, compassionate friends. I’m still in touch with several of them. In fact, even though I’m part of another congregation now, many of my closest friends are still part of the ICOC… some have gone to other churches, but I remain close with all of them.
All I can say about this very true account (and the red flags) is, “if you see something, say something”! and whilst it may cause some controversy, we are accountable to God, and God alone!
"Lawd a merci" thank you Nadine, for posting elements of this article. It's very sad to think that we as God believers have uninvited Jesus to his church. I think the main problem is bad hermenutics.
We have been conditioned to do and beleive whatever our leaders say, because the bible says so and you'll go to hell if you don't. We haven't been taught how to read nor inteprete the scriptures, so certain verses are used to coerce obediance.
Think about that old chestnut in Hebrews 13: 17, to obey your leaders. That verse has probably been used more than any other verse in the bible. Yet is this a call for blind obediance? What if an individual was asked to something that hurt their conscience, harmful even? Are still supposed to blindy obey ? We need to start with good hermenutics, period.
I get it, that we were all young and did stupid things in the name of Christ, but most of us are pensioners now, surely we can admit where we've. gone wrong and commit to better practices.
Sadly, it seems not. Not every church. But one is too much. There's a church here in the UK which has effectivly driven out many of its members. Some of these members have complained about the lhe leaders lying about things, defaming others and outright bullying tactics-during COVID one particular member was shut out of the services held on zoom calls. What in the world is happening here? Teenagers who were studying the bible had no option but to leave with their parents. Where was the love?
Church, you know who you are. You have caused a great deal of pain to people wh believe and love God. REPENT please, do not harm these people's faith any longer. You yourselves may have been hurt, and hurt people hurt people. If this is the ase , I'm sorry for whatever hurts you have been put through . Bu please meet these people halfway. They have been let down badly by the authority who is meant to be overseeing the churh affairs, but you can change that. You know who you are.
We all drank the cool aid, so don't feel like you are alone. We all bare some form of responsibilty.
OK I'll stop now. I have faith that God wants there to be peace and harmony between his children, so I will continue to hold out hope in this particular situation.
Once again Nadine thank you for shedding light on where we as a church have grieved God. May our Lord grant us repentance!
wow! definitely relate to all of this! I remember leadership talking about bringing in all the “sharp”, successful people”! and we were one of them! at the time my former husband made quite a lot of money, and subsequently, we GAVE quite a lot of money! (probably more than some people made in a year!) we were hoisted into leadership six months after being baptized!
I’ve witnessed ALL of what you talk about! I look back with a great deal of shame and regret, although I always had a soft spot for the less fortunate. At one point my ministry consisted of a dozen single moms! I would hope those we served remember us as loving, compassionate friends. I’m still in touch with several of them. In fact, even though I’m part of another congregation now, many of my closest friends are still part of the ICOC… some have gone to other churches, but I remain close with all of them.
All I can say about this very true account (and the red flags) is, “if you see something, say something”! and whilst it may cause some controversy, we are accountable to God, and God alone!
"Lawd a merci" thank you Nadine, for posting elements of this article. It's very sad to think that we as God believers have uninvited Jesus to his church. I think the main problem is bad hermenutics.
We have been conditioned to do and beleive whatever our leaders say, because the bible says so and you'll go to hell if you don't. We haven't been taught how to read nor inteprete the scriptures, so certain verses are used to coerce obediance.
Think about that old chestnut in Hebrews 13: 17, to obey your leaders. That verse has probably been used more than any other verse in the bible. Yet is this a call for blind obediance? What if an individual was asked to something that hurt their conscience, harmful even? Are still supposed to blindy obey ? We need to start with good hermenutics, period.
I get it, that we were all young and did stupid things in the name of Christ, but most of us are pensioners now, surely we can admit where we've. gone wrong and commit to better practices.
Sadly, it seems not. Not every church. But one is too much. There's a church here in the UK which has effectivly driven out many of its members. Some of these members have complained about the lhe leaders lying about things, defaming others and outright bullying tactics-during COVID one particular member was shut out of the services held on zoom calls. What in the world is happening here? Teenagers who were studying the bible had no option but to leave with their parents. Where was the love?
Church, you know who you are. You have caused a great deal of pain to people wh believe and love God. REPENT please, do not harm these people's faith any longer. You yourselves may have been hurt, and hurt people hurt people. If this is the ase , I'm sorry for whatever hurts you have been put through . Bu please meet these people halfway. They have been let down badly by the authority who is meant to be overseeing the churh affairs, but you can change that. You know who you are.
We all drank the cool aid, so don't feel like you are alone. We all bare some form of responsibilty.
OK I'll stop now. I have faith that God wants there to be peace and harmony between his children, so I will continue to hold out hope in this particular situation.
Once again Nadine thank you for shedding light on where we as a church have grieved God. May our Lord grant us repentance!