Enough with the Mansplaining!

An Appeal to the Men

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "mansplaining is the act of explaining something in a condescending, overbearing, or unnecessary way, typically to a woman”. And women have had enough. I certainly have. I try to be patient, kind, and respectful. I strive to listen and then push back. It is exhausting though.

As I have been posting and using my voice in a freer way this past year, I have received so many kind comments but included in those is the “mansplaining”. And as the term says, it always comes from men. To give people the benefit of the doubt, I will add that I am pretty sure the men have no idea they are doing it. Men have always been in charge and on top. It is hard to see things from outside of the bubble of privilege (and yes, men have privilege). Men assume it is their right to speak, give input, correct, lecture, and explain. Subconsciously men think they know better. From my observation (and yes, there are exceptions, as always), most men do not approach discussions with curiosity or by asking questions. Most come in with declarations or opinions.

Mansplaining is when a man corrects, lectures, or overly explains something to a woman, under the assumption that she will benefit from his greater wisdom. It assumes the woman is less knowledgeable and less capable. It can come across rude, but usually not. It actually sounds more condescending than rude. It can be disconcerting, as it sounds well-meaning, but is often passive-aggressive.

In many cases, women do not even realize while it is happening that a man is “mansplaining”. It just feels “off”, uncomfortable, and annoying. It gives the ick, but it can be hard to pinpoint. In an effort to be humble and take input, a woman may subject herself to mansplaining and only realize later what actually happened.

Mansplaining is a product of patriarchal systems. Considering women are now better educated than men in general and are able to hold the same jobs as men, it betrays a dissonance and ignorance of the reality of modern life. It is actually quite insulting.

So let’s stop with the mansplaining, shall we? How can we avoid that? First of all, both men and women need to be aware of its existence. It may be a new term to some. We have had some humorous instances in our own home, when my (well-meaning) husband exhibited this behavior. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for him, he is married to a feisty wife and has four opinionated daughters. The first few times we pointed out his behavior, he was defensive (I have his permission to share this by the way; he laughed when I asked him), but now, as soon as we use the word “mansplaining”, he stops himself, and we all have a good chuckle. Now Mark is super intelligent and knowledgeable, and we do learn a lot from him, but the women in his life are also very capable.

The next thing is for men to stop themselves when they feel the urge to teach or correct a woman who has not asked for it. Men should also ask themselves if they would treat a man the same way. The best thing to do is to be curious, ask questions, show respect, and treat women as equals. And to the men in my life who do not mansplain, kudos to you!

And for the women, be aware of what mansplaining is. Be kind, but do not hesitate to push back and also point it out when you see it. We need to redress the balance among genders and advocate for ourselves. We can do so respectfully and kindly but also firmly.