Sorry if I ever come across like this. In my defense, I am on the autism spectrum and have had a habit of talking when I shouldn't to men and women alike. "Explaining" as contributing. It's so reflexive and many of the autistics I work with do it as well. Very used to not understanding AND being misunderstood. So again, very sorry.
This is so true! I mostly found it in the church. I would say something, and get shut down or regarded as though I did not know what I was talking about! Thankyou
Thank you Nadine. I learn so much more about my friends, family and fellowship when I am able to hold back my opinions and stay curious. Easier said than done! I have also heard it said that offering any unsolicited advice is a boundary violation. And that rings true to me.
Thank you for calling attention to this, Nadine! I have been the victim of mansplaining (in and out of the church) for decades and believed that it was my duty as a good Christian woman to submit by listening, internalize the opinion as right or better than mine, and silence my intuition/voice/opinion/wisdom/experience. What I came to realize is that I was silencing the voice of the Holy Spirit and shutting down it's power to live out through me. In recent years I have learned that submission does not mean silence and I've begun to find my voice again.
Can you offer some examples of respectful ways that a woman can confront a man when he is mansplaining? I have tried to point it out when it's happening, but the conversation end with me being perceived as wrong or that my opinion is not the right one.
I usually push back on the argument. I stay calm but I don't give in. I am extremely resilient and I have a forehead of flint. I am not easily intimidated. I try to ask a lot of questions so the person doing the mansplaining is caught in their own argument. I try not to be confrontational but curious and help the person see the error of their argument. I hope that makes sense.
Nadine, I realize that feminism is important to you. But I think it's a disservice to important movement and discussion to leave it at that. Plus I think you won't mind too much, as many feminists also talk about not only women suffering under patriarchy.
The church has 'leadersplaining' that also treats young and low power men badly. Or anyone with a bad track record or bad reputation. I think you know this already?
Demonized men in particular have heartbreaking stories sometimes.
But it's fine to stick with the women if you want. Thanks for coming this far!
David, I kinda feel like you’re proving her point with this response. Your tone is “let me enlighten you” and not taking into account that she is making a particular point that doesn’t encompass all the issues, but it’s clear that she knows they’re there.
Oh, you're right. I should be asking more questions and bring more supportive of whatever she wants to say when she wants to say it. And I hope you're doing well and not being bothered by too many men.
Do any of you want to hear about where frustrations with feminism and church women might come from? I suppose if you don't, then I should talk somewhere else and leave Nadine's nice platform to her.
David, I know you and I am sure you have been mistreated yourself. I am sorry for the pain you have been through. Patriarchal systems do that. As I said, I am planning more posts. I hear you when you use the word “leadersplaining”.
Sorry if I ever come across like this. In my defense, I am on the autism spectrum and have had a habit of talking when I shouldn't to men and women alike. "Explaining" as contributing. It's so reflexive and many of the autistics I work with do it as well. Very used to not understanding AND being misunderstood. So again, very sorry.
I appreciate your response but I have never felt that from you.
This is so true! I mostly found it in the church. I would say something, and get shut down or regarded as though I did not know what I was talking about! Thankyou
Yes, a very common experience for women. The church is a breeding ground for this kind of behavior because of mistaken gender roles.
Thank you Nadine. I learn so much more about my friends, family and fellowship when I am able to hold back my opinions and stay curious. Easier said than done! I have also heard it said that offering any unsolicited advice is a boundary violation. And that rings true to me.
Thank you for calling attention to this, Nadine! I have been the victim of mansplaining (in and out of the church) for decades and believed that it was my duty as a good Christian woman to submit by listening, internalize the opinion as right or better than mine, and silence my intuition/voice/opinion/wisdom/experience. What I came to realize is that I was silencing the voice of the Holy Spirit and shutting down it's power to live out through me. In recent years I have learned that submission does not mean silence and I've begun to find my voice again.
Can you offer some examples of respectful ways that a woman can confront a man when he is mansplaining? I have tried to point it out when it's happening, but the conversation end with me being perceived as wrong or that my opinion is not the right one.
I usually push back on the argument. I stay calm but I don't give in. I am extremely resilient and I have a forehead of flint. I am not easily intimidated. I try to ask a lot of questions so the person doing the mansplaining is caught in their own argument. I try not to be confrontational but curious and help the person see the error of their argument. I hope that makes sense.
Nadine, I realize that feminism is important to you. But I think it's a disservice to important movement and discussion to leave it at that. Plus I think you won't mind too much, as many feminists also talk about not only women suffering under patriarchy.
The church has 'leadersplaining' that also treats young and low power men badly. Or anyone with a bad track record or bad reputation. I think you know this already?
Demonized men in particular have heartbreaking stories sometimes.
But it's fine to stick with the women if you want. Thanks for coming this far!
I hear you, David. That will be another post.
David, I kinda feel like you’re proving her point with this response. Your tone is “let me enlighten you” and not taking into account that she is making a particular point that doesn’t encompass all the issues, but it’s clear that she knows they’re there.
Oh, you're right. I should be asking more questions and bring more supportive of whatever she wants to say when she wants to say it. And I hope you're doing well and not being bothered by too many men.
Do any of you want to hear about where frustrations with feminism and church women might come from? I suppose if you don't, then I should talk somewhere else and leave Nadine's nice platform to her.
David, I know you and I am sure you have been mistreated yourself. I am sorry for the pain you have been through. Patriarchal systems do that. As I said, I am planning more posts. I hear you when you use the word “leadersplaining”.
This was an uncomfortable but necessary read. Thank you Nadine.