Sleep Deprivation
A Sign of High-Control Churches
“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
As a Christian, I have worked relentlessly. Most of it was done willingly, some under duress. I have a pretty good sense of saying no compared to most people, so I was able to have some semblance of boundaries. Not everyone can do so. I have a strong assertive personality that I developed over the years (I used to be painfully shy). Others may be more introverted or reserved, and that’s okay, but it makes it harder to say no.
Sleep deprivation is a hallmark of cults or high-control groups. There is always more to do, more people to meet, more meetings to attend, more activities, in the never-ending quest for numerical growth.
I am pretty resilient and tough (my dad trained me!), so I fared better than most. I also enjoy work. Some might say I am a workaholic. 18 hour days don’t scare me. I have really enjoyed my work in full time ministry and non-profit management. A year and a half ago, I resigned from my 80 hours a week job, and I now work more “normal hours”. I am also now self-employed, which I really love.
As I have listened to thousands of testimonies, I have realized that sleep deprivation is a serious issue in today’s churches, especially high-control ones. The flurry of activities, the almost daily services, the frequents meetings, are exhausting and draning. Not everyone is physically or mentally able to sustain the crazy pace we expect from members. This really amounts to abuse.
Most people feel trapped. They cannot say no. If they try, they are harrassed and hounded. “Where were you?”, “We missed you!”, “Why aren’t you more committed?”, “The Bible says to deny ourselves”, etc. And so they show up, to the detriment of their physical and mental health. Women tend to be the hardest hit, especially mothers, not to mention working mothers. Sadly the people who make those rules have cars, but many of the members don’t (depending on what country you live in).
It all starts with the teaching that Jesus rose early, before dawn, to pray. A long “quiet time” of Bible study and prayer was/is the norm. Then getting ready, going to work or university, sharing our faith at every opportunity, coming back tired, going to meetings, evangelism, bible studies, etc, on top of taking care of a family, doing homework and chores. And of course, sometimes an all-night prayer.
The pace is relentless. Weekends are not for rest but for church activities. Holidays are rationed. As soon as a woman has a baby, she gets right back to ministry.
You say, “That is a thing of the past. We have changed!”. Maybe in some places, yes, but overall, the culture is the same. Campus ministries are especially brutal. I hear from students today who are expected to attend ministry activities on a daily basis, at the detriment of their studies. And if they resist, they are labeled as “independent”.
Retreats and church camps follow a non-stop schedule. As a hard worker but also an introvert by nature, I dreaded retreats where we would have lessons and activities from morning until way past midnight. Conferences were the same, and if you were in leadership, the pace was even more intense.
So what do we end up with? A small minority enjoy this kind of pace. Most follow along but are “zombified” most of the time. Many suffer from mysterious health issues. The number of people (especially women) who have nondescript chronic illnesses is shocking. And don’t get me started on the mental health toll.
One of the well kept secrets of the full time ministry is the high number of leaders on anti-depressants and other mental health medication. Of course, there is nothing wrong with getting help, but the high percentage of people needing help in full time ministry is much higher than the norm. Therapists connected to the church see a high number of full time ministers.
So why the rat race? Because we are still obsessed with numerical growth, changing the world, saving the lost. There is nothing organic about high-control churches. No place for the Holy Spirit. It is all about baptisms and how many people come to church.
And while we are doing that, people are leaving in large numbers. They do not want this anymore. The craze for growth of the end of the 20th century does not resonate with church members any longer. Gen Z and millennials want something different. And those of us who hang on to that frenetic pace are delusional. It just leaves everyone exhausted and mentally drained. A far cry from the “life to the full” Jesus extolled.
Thanks for sharing.
So sad... and humanistic, white, western culture..."never-ending quest for numerical growth".
Jesud wasn't that way.
In the churches I was in, it is no longer happening like this. But it certainly happened “back in the day,” and I’m still paying the toll it took on my health (physical, mental, and spiritual).
Some of us came out of high-control, demanding, abusive families. Our problem was deeper than just not knowing how to say no. Our nervous systems were already conditioned to jump at every command; the subconscious fear and guilt of not “obeying” were unbearable. For us, love and fear were inextricably commingled in a way that others cannot grasp. For me, not obeying as a child resulted in severe physical and mental punishment. In the church, the stakes became even higher - harsh eternal torment in hell. The impact, largely subconscious, had a detrimental effect that continued to impact my heath for decades after the church demands ended.
I remember a leader’s meeting back in the 90’s where our church leader berated all of us over our poor “stats” for the week. Not enough visitors at church, not enough Bible studies, etc. This was held out as evidence that we were all lazy and wicked and didn’t care enough about all the people going to hell. He yelled, “You’ll have time to rest in heaven!” This is just one of countless examples of fear and guilt being used to intimidate and manipulate members into working ourselves to death. My health was already declining by this point, (debilitating chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia), so guilt trips like this just added to the load I was already carrying. I eventually stopped jumping through the hoops (it took a bit longer to stop carrying guilt about that), but I still observe other people working themselves into poor health even now.
Today, while demands like these may not be overtly happening, there still exists something I call “echoes” of the old days, especially in the younger ministries. Less openly demanding, more subtle, but still guilt-evoking expectations. My daughter has experienced this in the campus and young adult ministries she’s been in, and I have noticed it in other areas too.
There’s so much more I could say about this, but this comment is already long. I’ve recently started my own Substack about how I was affected by my time in the church. It’s been complicated and cumbersome to wrestle through.