Anonymous surveys reveal that over 50% of men in churches regularly look at porn, and many of them have been unfaithful. Sadly, the statistics for women is not much better.
When we place so much 'faith' in performance, with objective measurements, actual relational intimacy is lost. People have no idea how to connect and truly "know" one another let alone Him. Achieving true intimacy is not only lost, but people sincerely believe it is impossible to achieve. One of the saddest things I deal with is speaking to people and having them shut me out because they cannot fathom that this freedom can exist. They won't believe that they can be loved, and they can love because of all the horror, trauma, and grief they have suffered. I am tearing up just writing this. And I am angry at knowing how many preached this kind of nonsense and hurt so many people.
A book I recommend on this topic is “The Great Sex Rescue.” So very helpful and busts a lot of myths (including the one about men and their need for sex being “uncontrollable.”)
I think you might like this book: The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, Joanna Sawatsky
Thank you for saying it out loud. So devastating to believe for decades that your worth in God’s sight was dependent on how well you pleased your husband. It’s like spiritual objectification, spiritual rape. To begin to believe that you were an object for God’s service and not a person beloved… it’s the spirit of anti-christ.
The church I was apart of was led for 10+ years by the man who wrote the dpi books on these subjects, and he consistently objectified his wife in sermons. And nobody said anything. When I approached him, disagreeing with something more essential to basic convictions, I was most definitely put in my place and told I cannot talk to him like that and if I had a concern I needed to learn how to approach a leader with respect.
Thank you for sharing Nadine. I found that it’s been really healing and wonderful to look at sex and intimacy within the lens of how we’re biologically different as individuals.
I follow a few female sexual health experts and therapists and they often talk about how women’s bodies operate on a different cycle in comparison to men (apparently men have mostly 24 hours, women: roughly 28 days), which would account for varying levels of sexual libido and hormones. And when you have a partner who understands this and chooses to build intimacy and connection based on what the body needs at the time, I feel it really helps build more safe and meaningful connection in the relationship.
Not even taking into account the general feeling of emotional safety within the relationship that needs to be built where needs are being met equally.
No worries! I went back to the information I read and the cycle is specifically the menstrual cycle (which is a type of Infradian Rhythm), which all women are quite familiar with ☺️
This one is more in depth, but take with a grain of salt as towards the end they are spruiking their methods to cycle sync (if people aren’t looking to be sold to). Still really great information for the first half or so…
Anonymous surveys reveal that over 50% of men in churches regularly look at porn, and many of them have been unfaithful. Sadly, the statistics for women is not much better.
When we place so much 'faith' in performance, with objective measurements, actual relational intimacy is lost. People have no idea how to connect and truly "know" one another let alone Him. Achieving true intimacy is not only lost, but people sincerely believe it is impossible to achieve. One of the saddest things I deal with is speaking to people and having them shut me out because they cannot fathom that this freedom can exist. They won't believe that they can be loved, and they can love because of all the horror, trauma, and grief they have suffered. I am tearing up just writing this. And I am angry at knowing how many preached this kind of nonsense and hurt so many people.
A book I recommend on this topic is “The Great Sex Rescue.” So very helpful and busts a lot of myths (including the one about men and their need for sex being “uncontrollable.”)
Yes, I have read it. It is very good.
Who is the author of the book?
Sheila Gregoire
I think you might like this book: The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, Joanna Sawatsky
Thank you.
Thank you for saying it out loud. So devastating to believe for decades that your worth in God’s sight was dependent on how well you pleased your husband. It’s like spiritual objectification, spiritual rape. To begin to believe that you were an object for God’s service and not a person beloved… it’s the spirit of anti-christ.
The church I was apart of was led for 10+ years by the man who wrote the dpi books on these subjects, and he consistently objectified his wife in sermons. And nobody said anything. When I approached him, disagreeing with something more essential to basic convictions, I was most definitely put in my place and told I cannot talk to him like that and if I had a concern I needed to learn how to approach a leader with respect.
Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about. That was the worst cringe I ever felt too.
Thank you for sharing Nadine. I found that it’s been really healing and wonderful to look at sex and intimacy within the lens of how we’re biologically different as individuals.
I follow a few female sexual health experts and therapists and they often talk about how women’s bodies operate on a different cycle in comparison to men (apparently men have mostly 24 hours, women: roughly 28 days), which would account for varying levels of sexual libido and hormones. And when you have a partner who understands this and chooses to build intimacy and connection based on what the body needs at the time, I feel it really helps build more safe and meaningful connection in the relationship.
Not even taking into account the general feeling of emotional safety within the relationship that needs to be built where needs are being met equally.
Excellent! If you have resources, please feel free to post them here in the comments.
No worries! I went back to the information I read and the cycle is specifically the menstrual cycle (which is a type of Infradian Rhythm), which all women are quite familiar with ☺️
This is the original carousel on Instagram I saw, with information from female hormone experts (more of a summary and geared towards supporting female libido): https://www.instagram.com/p/DLVXeL_xWw5/?img_index=1&igsh=MWN4cHJiNngzMjdwYg==
This one is more in depth, but take with a grain of salt as towards the end they are spruiking their methods to cycle sync (if people aren’t looking to be sold to). Still really great information for the first half or so…
https://floliving.com/blog/infradian-rhythm
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this article. It is so needed!!
An interesting question is how many of these men would like to be treated in the same way they treat their wives, if the roles were reversed?
Matthew 12:
31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”